a time to reminisce
by crazyforsasuke
Summary: What is Tenten point of view about marriege? does her point of view about it was caused by her past love? or Hyuuga Neji. if you wanna find out...read my fic.....i hope you'll like it.please review my work


This story is a bit matured to cater some Naruto fanatic. I think I made the characters here a bit…no not a bit…very ooc..But I just can't help it. I was just typing continuously until I made this. I hope you'll just try to read this and give it a try. Just imagine that they were 10 years matured when this story happen, ne? Coz some of the thoughts here were a bit matured…..

I hope you can review this. Reviews and flames are welcome……coz I am not a very good writer..and I need top improve….

A TIME TO REMINISCE

By: mitchigirl

"Another one bites the dust," the cynical part of me sneered as Lee said his vows in the altar while I watched on the third pew, a lopsided smile plastered on my face.

I didn't want to look around. I knew I would see happy faces. Even Hinata beside me---who was always seeking comfort from tons of textmates whom she told her telenovela life story to, finally recovered from her not-so-happy-life and found a new hope in the persona of Naruto---was smiling from ear to ear. The lady on my right was beaming. She was telling me how nice the wedding was, telling me stories about Lee---my friend who just pledged to love Sakura---the would be wife---in sickness and in health, blah, blah, blah in front of a hundred or so guests. I tried to ignore her. Aside from the fact that I knew Lee before she did, I wasn't all that thrilled about the wedding.

A song kept ringing in my ear, "despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage…" I knew I should be happy for Lee. I knew I should be happy for Sakura, too. Joy was written all over their faces. But, no. I couldn't find it in me to be jolly and happy. I couldn't help but ponder how long their relationship would last.

"Been there, done that. Wait till you see what's in the hamper," said my irate brain with a mocking and ugly grin on its bloody sheath.

I, like most women, had pictured a beautiful garden wedding in my head ever since I got my first Barbie doll. I would be walking down the carpeted aisle with fresh roses on my hair and the train of my gown sweeping off the rose petals the flower girls showered on the carpet. The mental picture, of course, got more economical year after year as I realized the value of money and was eventually thrown in the garbage on my 21st year of existence, thank you very much.

I've never been married. And I have no plans to ever get married, truth to tell. But I had been so close to getting married; I dread to see my friends get into a relationship that would require them to share a bed, a towel, pillows, remote control clicker, and---omigod---money to another person completely.

They say love is overrated. Well, maybe it is. The infatuation junkie in me continually yelled protests with that, but the cynic in me nodded with so much enthusiasm, it almost lost its head.

I had to sigh when I looked at Lee kiss Sakura's lips. "A year, two years, five, seven? How long will they stay married?" I silently asked myself.

Hinata on my left gave me a nudge. I blankly stared at her.

"Lee is married!" she announced as if I didn't know. As if I wasn't there beside her throughout the ceremony.

"Yeah, so how are we going to the restaurant?" I idiotically replied. I didn't know what else to say.

She frowned, her shaved eyebrows rising while grunting a bit. "You're just jealous"

"Hell no! Why would I be jealous?"

"Because my cousin is gone?"

A sharp whistle and an earsplitting "Technical foul!" vibrated in my ears. How dare my friend mention the guy's name? Why did she have to mention it when she knew I was hurting?

I suddenly felt as if someone punched me in the gut. I held my breath for a while, letting it out a few seconds later. My mind raced. I needed a rebound. I decided to start a sermon about the sanctity of marriage. I was about to open my careless mouth again when I noticed that her gaze went down from my face to my left hand, which was inside my purse.

I suddenly became aware that I was holding my mobile phone. I was clutching it like it was my lifeline. I was insanelyhoping to receive a text message from Hyuuga Neji. Boy, did I want the cement floor to crack open and swallow me whole!

Hinata whispered, "Hah! are you waiting for a message? It will never come"

Lemme tell you, I wanted to gag her with the hanky she was holding. Instead, I just shrugged and said, "There's no signal here."

She smiled sarcastically, that knowing and mocking smile of hers. I hated it and I wanted to start an argument right then and there. I was so good at arguing I can argue with Cardinal Sin and make him store a box of Trust Condoms in his medicine cabinet at the end of the argument. But then, I felt too drained to even open my mouth.

I had been feeling wearisome for a few days already. No, make that ever since I discovered I was in love with Neji. Ah, Neji, such a character… A man and a boy, unevenly thrown together in a five feet and nine inches mass of flesh and bones.

I felt like I was suspended somewhere between false hope and reality. I didn't know if Neji completely let go of me. In my heart of hearts I knew he'd find it hard to just leave. I felt it. And I was waiting for his message, anything from him.

I closed my eyes tightly for a while. My skeptic self hopelessly gave in to my "junkie core." Yes, maybe my sister was right. I was just envious of Lee. I was envious because I knew I'd never have Neji. He never became mine to begin with. And I realized all I ever wanted was to have him. In my unconscious or secret moments I threw away my plan of forgetting forever. I realized my cynicism about Lee's wedding burned with so much fervor because it was my defense mechanism.

Ah, Neji, Neji… God, I love that guy. I can't measure how much. I can't believe I welcomed back what I had thrown away eons ago. I can't believe what happened to us… to me.

And as the newly weds ran towards the church door, I remembered how my heart got ran-down like this… I remembered how I first met Neji. I remembered everything that happened to us. All those time that we squabble about such simple things, those not-so-happy times together, those free and easy moments… How could one throw away such nice things? How could one let go when the heart just refuses to believe it's over?

I never intended to love Neji. He was never part of my plans in life. I said no to love when I thought it was simply not worth my time and emotions. I didn't want to spend my life loving someone else but myself. As a matter of fact, I already had a plan figured out in case I lived past the age of thirty (I had always thought I'd die before my 30th birthday---Oh, don't shout, "shrink!"). My other friend-Ino who didn't want to get married, too, and I planned and vowed to live under one roof and write angst-ridden poems and stuff our whole life in case we got old alone. Good plan, I thought. Until my heart went falling again. For the wrong man---again.

I had been in a long-term relationship, a relationship that demanded sharing in the full sense of the word. And looking back, I can only vaguely remember the happy moments in the long years that that relationship existed. I figured, in the end, only the little things matter. A simple but special gift, the cuddling after a fight, the talks…

With Neji every moment was special. Whenever I was with him everything seemed to be in full and vivid colors. With Neji I never needed candlelit dinners or special flowers. Heck, we could just eat ramen and we'd have fun.

And now I am torn apart because I found out that when push comes to shove, he wouldn't choose me to share his dreams and happy moments with. He couldn't let go of an old flame even if he told me several times how much he loved me.

I should just walk away; let him be, let him live his life without me. But I don't want to. I need to hear him say, "Get out of my life" before I actually do. I'm through thinking about the situation. I tried several times to let go. I couldn't. It was always the same. I get cynical and in the end I always succumb to my "junkie core." And I always find myself here, standing on this loose ground. It was like a cycle.

And so maybe I would find myself a better guy someday and not end up in a lonely house, watching the sunset all alone and eating at a fancy restaurant all by my self. But all things considered, I think Neji's one of the best things that happened to me. All things considered, the memories are worth all the pain and the heartaches. All things considered, the happiness he brought me---no matter how trivial is worth treasuring.

My ego? I lost it to him ages ago… But whenever he exerted effort to be with me, I earned it back. I redeemed it whenever he rubbed his nose against mine with his eyes closed. I reclaimed it whenever he hugged me tight and kissed me tenderly and every single time he made me feel special and warm.

My ego, I guess that's one of the reasons why I was waiting for his message.

I blinked a couple of times. There was Sir Gai, a tender and loving mentor to us, waving at Hinata and I. I tentatively stood up and headed straight to the altar, my friend behind me. As our pictures were taken I smiled. I didn't know what's gonna happen to me next. How thrilling, I thought. While Lee and Sakura probably got everything figured out---from the sexy lingerie Sakura was going to wear on their honeymoon up to the name she and Lee would give their kids. I thought I was one lucky woman in the most perverse sort of way.

When Hinata and I got out of the church, we headed straight to the car. Hinata and I argued about the direction to the restaurant printed on the invitation. That was when my mobile phone beeped. And it was the message I was waiting for all day long.

I smiled. "I knew it…" I said so very calmly, almost smugly.

My sfriend rolled her eyeballs and the car started moving. And as I looked at the road ahead I thought, "This may be as good as it gets… I ain't got ammunition in my hands, but hell, I'm ready for the battle. I may not have with me a shield but scars heal in time. When I look back to this day someday, I'd know I didn't let what meant so much to me just slip from my hands just like that… In time I would look at my battle scars and remember the good things that came with it… So…

"Hello, Never Never Land, here I come!""

THE END

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